After
by dangra
Summary: ...because not all stories have a happy ending... Edit: I just renamed the title!


Just a quicky, because although I love a good happily ever after, sometimes, things just don't work out that way... at least not completely...

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I can't believe I'm doing this- I promised myself I would never go anywhere he was going, not after what he did to me…and yet here I am waiting to see a movie with him and a group of my Goth friends…

"…I just think its cool the way the Altaïr can kill his enemies, and yet he doesn't feel hatred towards them…"

I wasn't really listening to what Danny and Tucker were talking about, though I had an inkling that they were talking about Assassins Creed. There was only one word I had heard clearly- _hatred_.

Hate is a strong emotion; I should know, I felt it towards a number of people…who shall remain unnamed for now. But thankfully, there was an opposite emotion that was just as strong- love. I have felt love, still feel it every day, but with love comes pain, heartache, and depression… At times I wonder; would it be easier for me to hate, rather than love?

I glance to my left to watch Danny- he looked so peaceful, so blissfully happy…and he was beautiful. My heart ached just by looking at him, so I turned my gaze to the ceiling, leaning my head back to rest it against the back of the seat. Maybe it would be easier to hate him- then I wouldn't feel so nervous around him, I wouldn't feel so insignificant… I smile, closing my eyes and sighing longingly; yes, maybe it would be better to hate him…

"I know…it would be great if I could just hate you…"

I hadn't realized the words had left my mouth until I saw him turn and look at me with shock and hurt in his eyes. He stared at me, evidently unsure whether what I said was meant to be taken as a joke or not, and Tucker was also looking at me with a shocked expression.

"What?" he asked with an upbeat yet worried tone, a shaky smile on his face.

I look away from him and lower my head. Should I tell him the truth? Would it destroy everything we have? I close my eyes in pain as I make my decision- best to get it over and done with.

"Tuck…could you give us a sec?" I ask quietly, glancing at him, my heart rate already beginning to race with nerves and anticipation.

"Sure…" he replies, giving us both a quick glance before he stood up and walked over to the others at the sweet stand.

"Sam?" Danny questions with a whisper.

"Listen…there's something you should understand…" I begin staring down at my hands, "My grandma always taught me never to expect anything from anybody…that way, you can never be disappointed…"

I rub my shaking hands with my thumb in an attempt to calm myself. I'm pretty sure he was getting impatient with me, but I dared not look up at him. I cast a quick glance over to where Tucker had walked, only to find we had an audience gauging us for any sign of a fight or an emotional break down. I blush and quickly drop my head again- oh he was gonna get it after this ordeal was over…

"But, I'm not that type of person…" I explain quietly, "I can't expect _nothing_ from people, no matter how hard I try not to. I expect people to be kind, generous, loving… and when they're not… I feel angry, betrayed- I feel disappointed. But I can't help it- that's just the way I am..."

"Is this about me missing your birthday?" asked Danny in shock and slight anger, "I told you, I didn't know it was your birthday- you just told me it was a poetry slam-"

"No, it's not that…I mean, yeah I was upset about that, but I'm not anymore…"

We shared a long gaze at each other, my eyes pleading with him to understand so I wouldn't have to say it. But he seemed just as confused as he was at the beginning, maybe even more. I drop my head again to look at my hands.

"…I just expect so much of you Danny, and I know it's not fair, for either of us…but I can't…" I close my eyes, my breath shallow as I realize just how hard this actually is, "I can't help it; it's just my nature…"

I lift my head and stare into his eyes to emphasize what I'm about to say.

"And it hurts me every time…" my voice breaks half way through and I drop my gaze- I can't bare to look at him anymore, it's more difficult than I thought, "I know it's my own fault, but e-every time I expect you to do something, every time I expect you to say something…a-and when you don't I-I…it just…hurts…"

I raise my hand shakily and place it on my chest, trying so hard not to let my emotions get too out of control by reminding myself I was in a public place. I gently pat my clenched fist twice against my chest…against my heart.

"It hurts…that's why it would be easier…to hate you," I whisper, afraid my voice would crack again if I spoke to loudly.

He shifts slightly closer to me and places his left hand on my left shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly.

"I'm sorry…" he murmurs gently, but I shake my head.

"We both know it's not your fault- it's _me_. It's _my_ punishment for-" I stop abruptly.

Should I finish what I've started? Would it give him peace of mind to finally know what was wrong with me, or would it just make matters worse…

"For?" he prompted softly, rubbing my shoulder soothingly.

I take a shaky breath, preparing for the plunge, "…for getting my hopes up…"

I glance at Danny, but he seems confused, "Getting your hopes up?" he repeated in a strange tone.

I sigh in defeat looking away- he would never understand, best to put it out of his mind.

"Forget it Danny, it doesn't matter…" I get up from where we were sitting, making to walk towards our friends.

"Yes, it does matter," he argues, standing up and moving to block my path, "You're saying you get your hopes up because I-I never do what you want me to? That I never show up to things you invite me to?! Am I a _disappointment_ to you or something?!"

I close my eyes as my heart begins to slowly break, "Danny, that's not what I meant-"

"Sounds like you meant exactly that- 'I'm not a good friend'!" he accuses.

"_Please_ Danny, I didn't mean it like that-"

"Then what did you mean, hmm?! Why am I the only one who causes you pain when everyone else doesn't meet your expectations either?!"

"**BECAUSE I LOVE YOU**…"

At that moment I could see the anger lowly leave his expression, some other emotion replacing it- shock? Guilt? _Horror_? My eyes stung, but I couldn't cry, not here. I was aware of my friends staring at us in shock at my outburst, but I couldn't tear my gaze away from his piercing wide eyes, even as a blush came to my cheeks.

"You…_love_ me?" he repeated more to himself than to me.

I could hear the confusion, the _grief_ in his voice. I blinked a tear from my eye and it ran down my face as I registered the tone- he was sorrowful because he didn't feel the same way. He was feeling guilty because he had forced the truth out of me and he couldn't return the feeling. I looked away to the ground and nod my head to confirm his answer. I couldn't speak as dread filled me; a coldness spread over my chest and I could feel the final tug of my broken heart ripping in two. I had known this was going to happen- I knew he would reject me… but I had subconsciously willed a part of myself to hope that maybe he might just feel the same… I had raised my expectations again, and now I was paying for it.

"When, w-why?!" he stammered in confusion and shock.

"Why?" I stare at him in disbelief, narrowing my eyes, "I've known you for thirteen years and you're asking me _why_?!"

"No…I-I mean…a-are you sure?"

I glare at him, getting frustrated, "Yeah, I'm pretty damn sure!"

He looked away in embarrassment, scratching his head... and I felt sorry for him- none of this was his fault, as usual, and he had probably never had to deal with this kind of situation before, especially with a well-known friend.

I soften my expression and lower my voice, "I know it sounds stupid and I know I'm way too young to feel anything like this… b-but it's true."

"…What does it feel like?" he asks quietly, now afraid to meet my gaze.

"…Very powerful…" I whisper shakily.

He nods as if he can understand what I mean, now rubbing his neck with his hand having shoved the other into his jean pocket.

"I tried… I tried to stop Danny. I-I told myself to forget about you- that you were just another boy…"

"…But it didn't work," he finished, gazing sympathetically at me.

I smiled at him brokenly, another tear escaping my eye, and shook my head. Moving quickly toward me, he wrapped his arms tightly around my shoulders and pulled me into a fierce hug. I hid my face in his shoulders as I returned the embrace, my hands still curled into fists. I try not to cry as I feel a sudden wave of loss hit me, and I pull him closer to me.

"I'm so sorry Danny, I should never have brought it up-"

"Shh, its ok Sam, I'm glad you did," he murmurs as he rubs my back soothingly.

"…Please don't hate me," I plead in a whisper.

He pulls away to smile at me, "I won't hate you if you don't hate me," he jokes.

I choke a laugh and nod as he pulls me back to him, leaning his head affectionately against mine.

"Can…can we just go back…to the way we were b-before…this?" I ask quietly into his shoulder.

"Of course we can," he whispers reassuringly.

He hugs me closer at the sound of my sniffing and I smile sadly, "Thank you…"

…So I had made a complete fool of myself, in front of my friends, a few ushers from the cinema, and the guy I was madly in love with, and I had managed to mangle my heart into pieces, but now I didn't feel so bad. Because now, even though I had spilled my heart out, making an ass of myself in the process, and been rejected…I had survived. The world hadn't ended, and now I had a feeling that everything would be all right…maybe not at the moment, maybe not even in the near future, but in time, everything will be all right… time heals all… at least for now, I can just enjoy the moment…

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Review and let me know your thoughts (keep in mind it was just a quicky! Lol!)

Also, if you have time, please place your votes on my profile for a remake of my story 'The Fight'

"Every prince is a fantasy...  
Now you know it's so much better to pretend...  
I'll keep dancing through this beautiful  
Delusional career...  
Keeping all my dreams alive"  
~TBM


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